This was me 7 years ago. Only a couple of weeks away from giving birth to my first baby. We had no idea what I was having. I was apprehensive like most parents to be yet also very excited. It hadn’t always been that way.
Just one year earlier I didn’t even know if I should ever have children. I didn’t think I would ever be good enough. Years before Anxiety had been quite clever at convincing me I would fail. That fear had grown in me over several years and had got quite stuck. Friends, even strangers, would ask “So, when do you think you’ll have children”... “Will you be next?” ...a huge lump of fear would spring up in my throat.
It was only whilst on honeymoon that my husband and I did lots of soul searching and decided that we would make great parents and maybe we should relax things. No pressure. We came back from that honeymoon pregnant!!! I know how lucky that makes us.
Although excited, I knew I had to be pro-active and address some of the fears that were still knocking around, this is the main reason we pulled out tool #24 and did Hypnobirthing with the wonderful Liz from The Calm Birth School - it was so effective for us as a family. It wasn’t just about the birth, so much more than that, I gained so many more tools from the experience, all of which I talk about in ‘My Wellness Toolbox’, some I still use today.
Our calm and beautiful boy was born less than 3 weeks after this picture... and it turned out I am a bloody great Mum.
Yet in 2019 the return of crippling anxiety convinced me once more that I shouldn’t have had children and they would be better off without me, that was a very scary and upsetting time. Fortunately I reached out for help and Tool #6 Talking Therapies came to the rescue once more.
Ironically my fears were actually highlighting what a wonderful mummy I am, it took some convincing but within a few months my confidence had come back. I talk more about this time and how I moved forward in ‘Your Wellness Toolbox’.
When this picture popped up on my memories today I felt my eyes tickle with happy tears. I am so proud I didn’t believe the lies that anxiety fed me. That’s all they were. Lies.