This is Me
...and I think for the first time in a very long time, possibly ever, I accept me for who I have been and who I am right now (cue tears). All versions, from 0.1 to 3.9 (soon to be 4.0)
I’ve been open here already about my declining mental health last year that led me back into talking therapy. This has resulted in a lot of reflection, digging deep into my present and my past, to really try and understand the root cause of my fears and what triggered the overthinking and anxiety that made me feel like I was going crazy once more.
Whatever the subject, the reason or the root, it all comes back to my lack of self-love, self-belief and self-esteem. Regardless of how well I am doing or feeling I still care too much what people think of me, I care far too much about being judged, especially by those closest to me. I want everyone to be happy, yet I haven’t always put myself on the everyone list, it’s that people pleaser in me... and I’ve not always been honest with people when they’ve hurt me for the fear I will lose them. I’ve not been allowing my light to shine at it’s brightest for the fear of upsetting others.
In a nutshell I haven’t been my true authentic self.
When Hannah posted these pics on social media (I had agreed she could to help promote her incredible work) and I first saw them I went into panic mode, AGGGGGGHHHHH “What will people think?”, “OMG look at that flaw x, y, z”... heart pounding, I nearly asked her to take them off. Then I stopped myself. Flipped it. Got over myself. They are just photos of me. The real me. The one I actually like again. Who cares what others think, that’s a reflection of them and not me. I love and always capture important moments on Facebook so why wouldn’t I capture this?
This is Me.
Thank You Hannah in just a few hours you made a huge difference to my mindset, my body-image and my self-esteem. When I booked the shoot over a year ago it was simply to take on a challenge to step out of my comfort zone before my 40th, it has become so much more. Thank You. What you are doing to help others is incredible!
Are you being your true authentic self? Time to be YOU!
Photo Credit: Hannah Martinig Photography