Tool #12 NO & Tool #14 Positive People are a powerful combination and have made a huge difference to my healing.
In November I was due to go to Malaga to stay with my great friend Dee, but I just couldn’t do it. Anxiety had once again got a tight hold and over-thinking was making me very fearful.
Although my healing process had started I was still getting panicky doing the everyday routine, like picking the children up from childcare and going to the shop for a pint of milk. So I felt I couldn’t face the airport, the plane, a new city, new places, eating out, and every other thing I could possibly think or worry about.
At the time my friend was going through a tough time herself and I felt like I was letting her down on multiple levels.
This was also the trip I had booked for my sister, she was also going through an incredibly painful time in her life, it was something she was looking forward to.
This resulted in more anxiety, guilt, over-thinking... anxiety, guilt, overthinking. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
But I just couldn’t do it. I truly believed that it would completely break me if I tried. No one would enjoy it. I would be a burden.
I called both my friend and sister to explain.
As my friend answered the phone, I tried to get my words out but I just burst into tears. They didn’t stop easily. I had thought of a million excuses to give as to why I wouldn’t be travelling to see her but I knew there was only one thing I had to give her, the truth. We talked...and talked. Power tool alert!!
Her response was beyond kind and supportive. She said “You need to do the right thing for you. You need to do what will help you. You can come and see me at anytime... as long as you do”.
She also told me how much she loved me and made me feel very supported. My sisters response was (as always), as equally supportive and caring.
When I put the phone down a massive weight was lifted. I knew I had made the right decision. I cried some more (such a great tool to release emotions).
I didn’t cancel the flights I rescheduled them. Although my mental health was delaying my plans I would not let it stop my plans. It also gave me something to focus towards as part of my healing process.
This weekend just gone, just over 3 months later, I took the rescheduled flight to Malaga, my sister by my side. We have had the most wonderful weekend with my friend, lots of walking, talking, exploring Malaga and the surrounding area, eating incredible food...a little soul searching...lots of laughing...and maybe sipping on a wine or two... or three. It has been extremely good for my soul.
Was I anxiety free? No (not completely!)
Did overthinking kick in at any point? Yes (it’s still giving a good go!)
However, over the past 3 months I have worked so hard on my mindset and self-confidence, so I was able to use some of my reliable old and effective new power tools to quickly dissolve the worries and any negativity... plus we spent a lot of time by the beach, a tool in its very own right.
Why am I sharing this? As always, it may just help someone make the right decision for their mental health... or help you help someone else make the right decision for their mental health.
Saying ‘No’ was the right thing for me in November. It may have cost me some extra money to change flights but it would have cost me so much more had I pushed myself too soon. If I had a physical illness that could be made worse by travelling then I wouldn’t do it, so why would I do something that could have a negative impact on my mental health?
The decision at the time did feel like I was letting friends and family down. They did say I wasn’t, making it easier for me to put me first.
Sometimes you have to put yourself before others. I didn’t find it easy, yet when I did, it reminded me how supportive my friends are... if you don’t have the same response then maybe that may indicate who is and isn’t a tool #14 (positive people) in your life and changes are required!!
Thank You so much to my amazing friend and sister for making my decision easier, supporting my mental health and for a great weekend...when it finally happened ❤️
“Putting your health before others is not selfish, it’s essential” 😊